This is a discussion-prompting instrument. It will give you a sense of how you each perceive the relationship. The inventory is divided into three sections:
Support. This is concerned with behaviors that set the tone of the relationship. Communication. This is concerned with the manner in which messages are conveyed. Conflict Resolution. This is concerned with the manner in which disagreements are handled.

The function of the inventory is to identify areas where improvement is needed. It is not intended to instigate fault finding. Each item is to be answered independently of the others, and each partner is to take the inventory separately. Base your responses on your feelings over the past couple of months or so, that is, do not be biased by a particular incident, positive or negative. Instead, consider an overall assessment over a prolonged period.

For each lettered item, select a number from 1 to 4 that best fits your situation.

Support

1. My partner treats me as an equal; he/she promotes the idea that I am worthy of respect.

2. My partner shows appreciation or acknowledges when I say or do something nice.

3. I enjoy spending time with my partner.

4. I am willing, without feeling resentful, to pitch in if my partner needs help to carry out his/her     responsibilities.

5. My partner and I do a great deal to express our caring for each other.

6. I make every effort to view my partner’s actions in a positive manner.

7. I feel that the effort required to make the relationship work is equitably distributed.

Communication

1. I feel understood by my partner when we discuss personal issues.

2. My partner is flexible; he/she is open to new ideas rather than the exclusive than the exclusive
     pursuit of his/her own point of view.

3. My partner knows when to listen and when to talk during our discussions.

4. I feel my partner is interested in what I have to say.

5. My partner is open; he/she will reveal personal issues and feelings during our discussions.

6. My partner speaks in a manner that is direct and to the point.

7. I can count on my partner’s statements as being sincere.

Conflict Resolution

1. Discussing disagreements with my partner is productive; irrelevant issues and fault finding do not characterize the conversation.

2. I feel confident that discussions of conflict will not get out of control.

3. The agreements I make with my partner provide clarity as to who was to do what and when.

4. I trust my partner to keep his/her end of an agreement.

5. In general, discussing a disagreement leads me to feeling more hopeful and to identifiable
     changes in the relationship.

6. I feel I can strongly express my anger when I am highly disturbed.

7. Following a fight, we make up promptly and sincerely rather than carry a prolonged grudge.

Results

If the total score for either partner on any section is less than twenty-one, it suggests that improvement should be considered. However, low scores are best viewed as areas where improvement is desirable, not as proof that the relationship is incurably dysfunctional.

The inventory is not a tested scientific instrument but merely a general guide for identifying the need for improvement in each of the relationship enhancement areas. In this regard, the inventory can best be used as a prompt for solution-focused discussions.